A peek inside my heart Alex 1993-2007 Brown bear, brown bear, what do you see? ……………… “Alex”, “Bud Bud”, “Bo”, “Brown Bear” ….all came to be names for you, each holding a special moment close.

The day you came home with us, you gracefully accepted your role as Omega. You never showed resentment for this, but instead accepted your job as caretaker and mastered it. Your dedication was beyond description. Your loyalty was to be envied. You played hard and loved harder. You wouldn’t dream of letting us down. You never held a grudge. Eager to play, content to snuggle. Keeper of the tennis ball, watchman over babies. A love so pure and simple, there was much to learn from your forgiveness of our carless human ways.

No one could predict the impact you would have on our family. Your crooked little smile melted me. Your persistent optimism forced me to realize many times that life was too short to stay mad. When life was cruel and left me bitter and angry, you didn’tjudge me. You stood by quietly reminding me that life wasn’t promised to be fair (my sweet Omega baby). You taught me that we each had a purpose and someone was counting on whether we showed up for the challenge that each new day would bring. I could see in your eyes that you believed in me, and it made a difference.

You were 12 years old when Cowboy came to live with us. You for once, were no longer on the bottom of the totem pole. I’m not sure if the heavy sigh you let out was intended as a “What have you done?” or a glimpse of hope that you would soon be getting some much needed rest. Whichever way it was intended on that day, it soon became clear that you were thankful for the reassurance that there would be someone to whom you could pass your torch. Watching you relinquish your role of caretaker left us in awe. It was obvious you knew Cowboy was ready to watch over the boys. Could he be as unselfishly devoted?

You had to trust, again. At 14, you were tired. You were trapped in a body that had forsaken you and your mind was fading fast. We were desperately clinging to the occasional glimpse of your impish grin and signs of YOU in your deep brown eyes. But it was obvious you were losing your battle. Time, no matter how hard I prayed, would not wait for me to be “ready”. The storm of emotions inside left me numb. It was no longer about our needs, but yours. I knew we owed you your dignity. Letting go of you my little friend, left us shattered. It’s been almost two years now. Many times I think I should be further along in my grief process than I am, but then again, I don’t ever want to “get over” you. You are worth every tear I still shed. Forever my heart dog…